As occurs every SEC weekend, there are lots of big series this weekend.
First, a quick look at how things currently stand (only teams with winning SEC records are listed):
WEST: 1. Alabama 7-2 2. Auburn 6-3 3. Ole Miss 5-4
EAST: 1. Vandy 8-1 2. Florida 7-2 3. Georgia 5-4
Vandy visits LSU and The Box***.
Speaking of boxes, Paul Mainieri, after his harrowing encounter with the Security Guard at the local Walmart Super Store, has 24 boxes of toilet paper stocked in the dugout to deal with the many crying fits he will have during the series.
LSU lost a series at Ole Miss 2 games to 1.
They then won a series at home with State 2 games to 1.
They then went to Knoxville and lost the series 2 games to 1.
LSU starting pitching has been so-so in SEC play, but they are hitting the ball well offensively. It seems all things LSU are consistently offensive to normal people. [That is not meant to imply Junior is normal; his given birth name is A.B. Normal which he changed to A.J. Normal which then just simply became Junior, in honor of Junior Samples of "Hee Haw" fame, a moniker dubbed upon him by his mother. According to her, "He was conceived while I was watching 'Hee Haw' and laughing uproariously."]
Vandy's lone loss in SEC play was to Georgia 1-0. They have swept Kentucky at home and Tennessee on the road with one exciting game being interrupted when a Black Bear got onto the field. The crisis was averted when Tony "Bear Tamer" Vitello tackled the bear and it was subdued with a dart tranquilizer.
***Every time Junior hears "The Box" he is reminded of "Cool Hand Luke." The Warden's speech about the Rules of Prison and the consequences of violating them, i.e., "A NIght in the Box" is still one of Junior's favorite all-time movie scenes, second only to the Princess Bride's "As You Wish" which really means "I Love You and Would Suffer Possibly A Life of Paralysis to Gain Your Hand In Marriage." Yes, it's complicated, but if you watch the movie you'll understand.
One more great line from "The Princess Bride" before we plow on.
"Have fun storming the castle!"
[Said by Billy Crystal, who's most famous character is Fernando of SNL. Junior, too, feels it is "much better to look good than to feel good". This is second only to Billy's "Soap" character who carries a puppet around with him to talk to others because he's somewhat shy and doesn't want to be seen as a smart ass but doesn't mind letting the puppet be one.]
PREDICTION: Vandy win the series 2 games to 1.
Florida goes to Arkansas.
Arkansas has beaten State 2-1, got swept at home by Alabama, then took 2 of 3 in Oxford. They have been up and down as one can easily tell but they do have a great Baseball Stadium of which their fans are extremely proud -- "proud" is not normally a term associated with people from Arkansas but they did produce a POTUS who left there after being elected and chose never to return.
Their team hitting leads the league led by Kurt Kjerstad, the Swedish Sultan of Swat, who learned baseball as a youngster when his friends pelted him with snowballs which he fought off with only a 36" tree limb.
Florida pitching has been superb, second only to Vandy in that regard.
PREDICTION: Arkansas wins the series 2 games to 1
Alabama goes to Kentucky
Bama has been THE SURPRISE TEAM of the SEC as they attempt to make-up for the horrible football season.
Kentucky is hapless with only one SEC win, having been swept by both Vandy and Florida.
PREDICTION: Alabama wins the series 2 games to 1.
UTjr travels to Columbia, Missouri
Both teams have struggled (3-6 in the SEC) and UTjr starting pitching has been inconsistent (what else is new?) and Mizzou's pitching staff was decimated after last year. Mizzou is on probation due to previous cheating incidents and is playing for nothing as their players are no longer able to accept cash money from boosters. Phat Phil Fulmer has already called Vitello on the carpet in his office, where Tony now sleeps each night so Phat Phil can keep an eye on him while he also closely monitors reports being faxed to him by the KPD and KC Sheriff's Office to keep tabs on the football team and their coach.
PREDICTION; Tennessee takes the series 2 games to 1
and Tony is allowed to go back home to sleep where he can tend to the Rescue Black Bear that now lives in his backyard and plays with his children.
UPDATE: Tony used to have 3 children. One has gone missing. His wife has yet to inform him. Rumor has it the child is safely residing with his grandparents because, "Mama mia, me a no like big black dogs!"
Georgia travels to Texas A&M
A&M continues to struggle at the plate, just like last year. Coach Rob Childress has grown so frustrated that he's now fired his Hitting Coach for the 3rd time in 14 months. He has hired former MLB star Carlos Mendoza for whom the "Mendoza Line" is named after. Said Rob, "If anybody knows how not to hit, it's Carlos. I just tell players to do the opposite of whatever he says. I think that's a winning strategy. I'm also not all that smart but I do know something about baseball despite all evidence to the contrary."
Georgia can't afford to fall any further behind Vandy and Florida, both of whom they've already played. With a more favorable schedule ahead they need to hang close.
PREDICTION: Georgia wins the series 2 games to 1.
USCjr goes to Oxford
South Carolina continues to struggle and the USC President is very close to firing both the coach and the AD (former baseball coach Ray Tanner who, for some inexplicable reason hired Florida-firee Will Muschamp who has done even worse at SC than he did at Florida yet maintains a hold on his job a la Derek Mason.)
Junior feels that would be the only smart thing to do if he were USC President. But he's not (President, not not smart) and never ever wants to be as he doesn't want to live in that God-forsaken state (unless he could live in Old Town Charleston or Myrtle Beach, but that's far away from Columbia and likely not possible unless he were given a helicopter. Junior might live across the river in Savannah, Georgia but it's not such a great state either.)
PREDICTION: Ole Miss sweeps South Carolina.
Mississippi State Cow-pile Boys travel to the Plains of Auburn of Abraham [home of the only Jewish community in the state]
State continues to experiment with their starting rotation having lost their #1 pitcher for the season. Ginn will likely never pitch for State as he will go high in the coming MLB Draft that for some odd reason was not cancelled. Manafort is not all that smart as evidence of punishing ZERO HOUSTON ASTROS FOR MASSIVE CHEATING TO WIN A WORLD SERIES.
Auburn is just one game behind Bama and feels they are better than Alabama in all regards, shape, form, or fashion. Did you know Auburn once applied to be moved to Georgia for jurisdictional purposes? This was squashed by George Wallace. George, a strong States Rights Activist did not feel the Constitution Allowed States to Separate from their original jurisdiction and vowed to fight a war over it if necessary.
Auburn is led by Eduoard Julien who hails from Quebec City, Quebec. Eduoard still doesn't understand English all that well and only pretends to understand what the coach is telling him before he goes to the plate to either strike out or hit a home run; he rarely does anything else -- K's 64%, HR's 16%, BB's 5%, Something Else 15%. The Coach is ok with this as long as he maintains 1 HR for every 4 K's since that, on average, means 1 HR per game played.
State coach Chris Lemonis, a well-known puss, often wishes he'd stayed in Indiana as the stench from all the cow piles nearby that hovers over Starkville makes it a mostly un-livable place. He much prefers lemons to crap as does most anyone when that's their only choice. If any other 3rd option were offered that would be chosen.
PREDICTION: Auburn wins the series 2 games to 1.
Junior will return to report on the Vandy-LSU series game-by-game as well as an SEC Rally Cap Round-up Show on Monday when he and all his guests in his attic studio (he doesn't have a basement which apparently makes him the only one in the world because everyone seems to be reporting remotely from their basement, even people who live in an apartment loft) will yuck it up, laugh uproariously, and talk about things other than baseball which no one really cares about, including softball.
He's trying to get Jordan Rodgers to join in since he obviously knows more about everything than anyone else.
If you dont' believe that, just ask him.
Or better yet, ask Aaron if you want to "stir things up in Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood."
First, a quick look at how things currently stand (only teams with winning SEC records are listed):
WEST: 1. Alabama 7-2 2. Auburn 6-3 3. Ole Miss 5-4
EAST: 1. Vandy 8-1 2. Florida 7-2 3. Georgia 5-4
Vandy visits LSU and The Box***.
Speaking of boxes, Paul Mainieri, after his harrowing encounter with the Security Guard at the local Walmart Super Store, has 24 boxes of toilet paper stocked in the dugout to deal with the many crying fits he will have during the series.
LSU lost a series at Ole Miss 2 games to 1.
They then won a series at home with State 2 games to 1.
They then went to Knoxville and lost the series 2 games to 1.
LSU starting pitching has been so-so in SEC play, but they are hitting the ball well offensively. It seems all things LSU are consistently offensive to normal people. [That is not meant to imply Junior is normal; his given birth name is A.B. Normal which he changed to A.J. Normal which then just simply became Junior, in honor of Junior Samples of "Hee Haw" fame, a moniker dubbed upon him by his mother. According to her, "He was conceived while I was watching 'Hee Haw' and laughing uproariously."]
Vandy's lone loss in SEC play was to Georgia 1-0. They have swept Kentucky at home and Tennessee on the road with one exciting game being interrupted when a Black Bear got onto the field. The crisis was averted when Tony "Bear Tamer" Vitello tackled the bear and it was subdued with a dart tranquilizer.
***Every time Junior hears "The Box" he is reminded of "Cool Hand Luke." The Warden's speech about the Rules of Prison and the consequences of violating them, i.e., "A NIght in the Box" is still one of Junior's favorite all-time movie scenes, second only to the Princess Bride's "As You Wish" which really means "I Love You and Would Suffer Possibly A Life of Paralysis to Gain Your Hand In Marriage." Yes, it's complicated, but if you watch the movie you'll understand.
One more great line from "The Princess Bride" before we plow on.
"Have fun storming the castle!"
[Said by Billy Crystal, who's most famous character is Fernando of SNL. Junior, too, feels it is "much better to look good than to feel good". This is second only to Billy's "Soap" character who carries a puppet around with him to talk to others because he's somewhat shy and doesn't want to be seen as a smart ass but doesn't mind letting the puppet be one.]
PREDICTION: Vandy win the series 2 games to 1.
Florida goes to Arkansas.
Arkansas has beaten State 2-1, got swept at home by Alabama, then took 2 of 3 in Oxford. They have been up and down as one can easily tell but they do have a great Baseball Stadium of which their fans are extremely proud -- "proud" is not normally a term associated with people from Arkansas but they did produce a POTUS who left there after being elected and chose never to return.
Their team hitting leads the league led by Kurt Kjerstad, the Swedish Sultan of Swat, who learned baseball as a youngster when his friends pelted him with snowballs which he fought off with only a 36" tree limb.
Florida pitching has been superb, second only to Vandy in that regard.
PREDICTION: Arkansas wins the series 2 games to 1
Alabama goes to Kentucky
Bama has been THE SURPRISE TEAM of the SEC as they attempt to make-up for the horrible football season.
Kentucky is hapless with only one SEC win, having been swept by both Vandy and Florida.
PREDICTION: Alabama wins the series 2 games to 1.
UTjr travels to Columbia, Missouri
Both teams have struggled (3-6 in the SEC) and UTjr starting pitching has been inconsistent (what else is new?) and Mizzou's pitching staff was decimated after last year. Mizzou is on probation due to previous cheating incidents and is playing for nothing as their players are no longer able to accept cash money from boosters. Phat Phil Fulmer has already called Vitello on the carpet in his office, where Tony now sleeps each night so Phat Phil can keep an eye on him while he also closely monitors reports being faxed to him by the KPD and KC Sheriff's Office to keep tabs on the football team and their coach.
PREDICTION; Tennessee takes the series 2 games to 1
and Tony is allowed to go back home to sleep where he can tend to the Rescue Black Bear that now lives in his backyard and plays with his children.
UPDATE: Tony used to have 3 children. One has gone missing. His wife has yet to inform him. Rumor has it the child is safely residing with his grandparents because, "Mama mia, me a no like big black dogs!"
Georgia travels to Texas A&M
A&M continues to struggle at the plate, just like last year. Coach Rob Childress has grown so frustrated that he's now fired his Hitting Coach for the 3rd time in 14 months. He has hired former MLB star Carlos Mendoza for whom the "Mendoza Line" is named after. Said Rob, "If anybody knows how not to hit, it's Carlos. I just tell players to do the opposite of whatever he says. I think that's a winning strategy. I'm also not all that smart but I do know something about baseball despite all evidence to the contrary."
Georgia can't afford to fall any further behind Vandy and Florida, both of whom they've already played. With a more favorable schedule ahead they need to hang close.
PREDICTION: Georgia wins the series 2 games to 1.
USCjr goes to Oxford
South Carolina continues to struggle and the USC President is very close to firing both the coach and the AD (former baseball coach Ray Tanner who, for some inexplicable reason hired Florida-firee Will Muschamp who has done even worse at SC than he did at Florida yet maintains a hold on his job a la Derek Mason.)
Junior feels that would be the only smart thing to do if he were USC President. But he's not (President, not not smart) and never ever wants to be as he doesn't want to live in that God-forsaken state (unless he could live in Old Town Charleston or Myrtle Beach, but that's far away from Columbia and likely not possible unless he were given a helicopter. Junior might live across the river in Savannah, Georgia but it's not such a great state either.)
PREDICTION: Ole Miss sweeps South Carolina.
Mississippi State Cow-pile Boys travel to the Plains of Auburn of Abraham [home of the only Jewish community in the state]
State continues to experiment with their starting rotation having lost their #1 pitcher for the season. Ginn will likely never pitch for State as he will go high in the coming MLB Draft that for some odd reason was not cancelled. Manafort is not all that smart as evidence of punishing ZERO HOUSTON ASTROS FOR MASSIVE CHEATING TO WIN A WORLD SERIES.
Auburn is just one game behind Bama and feels they are better than Alabama in all regards, shape, form, or fashion. Did you know Auburn once applied to be moved to Georgia for jurisdictional purposes? This was squashed by George Wallace. George, a strong States Rights Activist did not feel the Constitution Allowed States to Separate from their original jurisdiction and vowed to fight a war over it if necessary.
Auburn is led by Eduoard Julien who hails from Quebec City, Quebec. Eduoard still doesn't understand English all that well and only pretends to understand what the coach is telling him before he goes to the plate to either strike out or hit a home run; he rarely does anything else -- K's 64%, HR's 16%, BB's 5%, Something Else 15%. The Coach is ok with this as long as he maintains 1 HR for every 4 K's since that, on average, means 1 HR per game played.
State coach Chris Lemonis, a well-known puss, often wishes he'd stayed in Indiana as the stench from all the cow piles nearby that hovers over Starkville makes it a mostly un-livable place. He much prefers lemons to crap as does most anyone when that's their only choice. If any other 3rd option were offered that would be chosen.
PREDICTION: Auburn wins the series 2 games to 1.
Junior will return to report on the Vandy-LSU series game-by-game as well as an SEC Rally Cap Round-up Show on Monday when he and all his guests in his attic studio (he doesn't have a basement which apparently makes him the only one in the world because everyone seems to be reporting remotely from their basement, even people who live in an apartment loft) will yuck it up, laugh uproariously, and talk about things other than baseball which no one really cares about, including softball.
He's trying to get Jordan Rodgers to join in since he obviously knows more about everything than anyone else.
If you dont' believe that, just ask him.
Or better yet, ask Aaron if you want to "stir things up in Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood."
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