Once upon a time, there was an amateur baseball team In Missouri known locally as the Hannibal Cannibals.
They were legendary because they ran off a 30 game winning streak to end the season, smashing all league records, and still stands today as the best ever winning streak..
How they did that was a miracle as they kept losing players as the season went along.
Finally, one of the team leaders noticed that those players went missing right after a loss on the field.
At this point, it was mid-season, and the Cannibals were down to 10 position players, including only 1 catcher, and 5 pitchers, 3 starters and only 2 relievers.
After a team-only meeting the players emerged with a determined look on their faces. “We will win every game going forward and play like our lives depended on it,” said captain John Wayne Gacy. [John later went on to be a famous child’s birthday party clown.]
The Cannibals never lost another game, including the season-ending championship series.
They went up against the muchly feared Dahmer Demons from nearby Milwaukee. Even though it was made up of entirely 14-18 year old boys, as well as a 10 year old bat boy, they won most games by how fast they could run. Many thought this was due to their coach’s unique team tryout techniques where he would chase the perspective player around the field and see which ones he could catch.. They ran as if their livers depended on it. After tryouts were completed, only the fasted remained and were chosen for the team.
After the final game of the series and the Cannibals were declared champions, the two teams’ head coaches, the legendary Dr. Lector and Judge Jeffrey, himself a legend in his own right, huddled together in the bullpen, out of sight from the dugouts. No one could see what was going on although there was a great of noise involved.
And then it went suddenly quiet.
Neither was ever seen again.
The question is, who tore the other one a new anus? Who choked first while eating something? Who lasted longer before succumming?
Unfortunatelty, there is no answer to these questions and there never will be.
You see, there was a vat of acid left sitting in the bullpen that was once used to clean baseballs so they could be used again and everyone was afraid of touching it for fear of burning themselves. So it remained there until the stadium was torn down, at which point it was carted off to some Caribbean Island where today it sits on a lovely veranda overlooking the blue lagoon waters while tourists sit leisurely nearby eating fava beans..
Stay tuned for any sequels to this story. We hear the next installment includes lamp shades, a freezer, and a crawl space in a suburban home owned by a contractor who only employs teenagers because they’ll take less than minimum wage. There’s a chance, however, it could be about a handsome boy-next-door who drives a yellow VW bug, often has a broken leg in a cast, and is known by his neighbor, Ann Rule, as “The Stranger Beside Me.”
They were legendary because they ran off a 30 game winning streak to end the season, smashing all league records, and still stands today as the best ever winning streak..
How they did that was a miracle as they kept losing players as the season went along.
Finally, one of the team leaders noticed that those players went missing right after a loss on the field.
At this point, it was mid-season, and the Cannibals were down to 10 position players, including only 1 catcher, and 5 pitchers, 3 starters and only 2 relievers.
After a team-only meeting the players emerged with a determined look on their faces. “We will win every game going forward and play like our lives depended on it,” said captain John Wayne Gacy. [John later went on to be a famous child’s birthday party clown.]
The Cannibals never lost another game, including the season-ending championship series.
They went up against the muchly feared Dahmer Demons from nearby Milwaukee. Even though it was made up of entirely 14-18 year old boys, as well as a 10 year old bat boy, they won most games by how fast they could run. Many thought this was due to their coach’s unique team tryout techniques where he would chase the perspective player around the field and see which ones he could catch.. They ran as if their livers depended on it. After tryouts were completed, only the fasted remained and were chosen for the team.
After the final game of the series and the Cannibals were declared champions, the two teams’ head coaches, the legendary Dr. Lector and Judge Jeffrey, himself a legend in his own right, huddled together in the bullpen, out of sight from the dugouts. No one could see what was going on although there was a great of noise involved.
And then it went suddenly quiet.
Neither was ever seen again.
The question is, who tore the other one a new anus? Who choked first while eating something? Who lasted longer before succumming?
Unfortunatelty, there is no answer to these questions and there never will be.
You see, there was a vat of acid left sitting in the bullpen that was once used to clean baseballs so they could be used again and everyone was afraid of touching it for fear of burning themselves. So it remained there until the stadium was torn down, at which point it was carted off to some Caribbean Island where today it sits on a lovely veranda overlooking the blue lagoon waters while tourists sit leisurely nearby eating fava beans..
Stay tuned for any sequels to this story. We hear the next installment includes lamp shades, a freezer, and a crawl space in a suburban home owned by a contractor who only employs teenagers because they’ll take less than minimum wage. There’s a chance, however, it could be about a handsome boy-next-door who drives a yellow VW bug, often has a broken leg in a cast, and is known by his neighbor, Ann Rule, as “The Stranger Beside Me.”
